Question by b-chan: Problem With Future Mother-in-law at our Wedding?
Due to space limits I can’t include all the details I would like. But I was living with my fiancee’s family and yesterday they kicked me out. All because on Christmas Day I did not hug his mom goodbye. Even though she didn’t hug me when I first came in nor did my fiancee’ hug her hello/goodby either.
So I told my fiancee’ that they were not welcome in my home(it’s being built and is almost finished) or at my wedding. He was fine with that but not about me excluding his mom.
This is going to cause a problem because I feel like while it was his step-father that made the decision she played a part in it as well. That she needs to realize she could have spoken up about this instead of keeping quiet. In fact by keeping quiet it makes me think she agrees with him. and who wants that kind of person around them? She’s done numerous terrible things to her childern so I don’t understand why my fiancee’ is being like this. I’m very worried this may end with the wedding being cancelled
We are planning to talk this over. Because I don’t want any resentment on either of our sides. But he does not have a good relationship with his mother. She has never been there for him while me and my family has. I was thinking of possibly compromising and allowing her to attend the wedding and not the reception. But she gets away with this all the time and that’s what aggravates me.
And I am not a touchy person. I go for days not talking to my own parents. Why the hell would I hug a person I’m not very comfortable with.
I am worried because Dave is severly lacking in the support area. He is terrible at giving me support when I’ve supported him many times and I have told him this. I’ve decided that I will stick to my guns on this issue because if I don’t lord knows what’ll happen later on in our marriage.
And yes, the step-father use to beat him and his brother’s and is an alcholic. That’s why Dave has no problem with him not coming around us. But his mother denies Dennis ever beat them and fooled the social worker when she came to look at him and his twin brother.
I’d like to be the “bigger person” here but honestly where do you draw the line? Oh it’s okay to let your husband kick your future daughter in law out the house for something she doesn’t even do to do you and expect everything to be all okay? No it doesn’t work like that. I feel I was the bigger person by not making a fuss and actually leaving the house as soon as I got off work to go and pick up my stuff.
Answer by Lady Jay
well if mom never said anything to you then you cant really be mad with her but you should try to talk to her reg the issue and see what you can up with if see does not agree and you do not want to invite her to you wedding don’t and explain to you future husband why you made that decision if he does not agree with you you have to remember that you will have to deal with this man and his mom as long as you guys are together so make your choice wisely (hopefully everything will be OK good luck and congratulations )
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